Sacred Language Recap: A Space for Release, Restoration & Radical Self-Care

This weekend, Black Women For Self gathered in community for our Sacred Language: Journey Through the Emotional Body event, and the experience was nothing short of grounding, powerful, and deeply needed.

Hosted at Saved By The Juice, a Black woman–owned juice bar that radiates nourishment and intention, the space held us beautifully as we reconnected with our bodies and returned to ourselves.

We began with a gentle, eye-opening conversation on acupressure, exploring how simple points on the body can help relieve stress, support emotional balance, and provide quick grounding tools that we can use every day. The conversation was a reminder that healing doesn’t always require big steps; sometimes it’s the smallest touch that brings us back to our center.

From there, we flowed into yoga, moving through poses designed to help release what we’ve been holding mentally, emotionally, and physically. As we breathed together, the room softened, shoulders dropped, and hearts opened. Our bodies spoke, and this time we actually listened.

We closed the day with a warm, self-care-filled fireside chat, sharing stories, reflections, and truths that Black women often carry alone. It was a moment of true sisterhood that also served as medicine.

Sacred Language was a community, a means of education, a catalyst for movement, and a release. It was a space where Black women could show up fully, be held gently, and leave feeling a little lighter.

Thank you to Jasmine and Tieara for leading this event, and thank you to every woman who attended, shared, stretched, and breathed with us. Also, thank you to Saved By The Juice for offering us a home for this healing work.

Here’s to more moments like this where our bodies lead, our spirits rest, and our self-care becomes sacred again.

- Samjah Iman

Your Body Remembers (Our Next Event)

Our bodies are sacred archives, holding every emotion, every memory, and every piece of wisdom our spirits have gathered along the way. For Black women, this truth runs even deeper. We carry not only our own stories, but generations of strength, survival, and silence. And that’s a lot, y’all.

At BWFS, we believe radical self-care begins with listening; not just to our thoughts, but to the quiet messages living within our bodies. Our liver can hold anger we never voiced. Our kidneys can carry fear we’ve learned to swallow. Our spleen can store the weight of worry we forgot to name.

Our next FREE event, in collaboration with yogi Jasmine Nicole, “Sacred Language: A Journey Through the Emotional Body” invites us to explore this inner landscape together. Through yoga, mindful conversation, and holistic self-care, we’ll reconnect with our bodies as teachers, not battlegrounds.

This is a space for softness, truth, and release. A space to remember that our healing is our birthright, and our bodies already know the way.

We hope that you will take this time out for yourself, in the name of radical self-care. See you soon?

- Samjah Iman

Event Details:

Join us for Sacred Language: A Journey Through the Emotional Body, where we explore how the liver, kidneys, and spleen mirror our inner world. Through yoga, mindful conversation, and holistic self-care, we’ll discover what it means to listen and care for ourselves — beyond the surface truly.

When: November 15th 

Where:3518 Kabel Dr. New Orleans 

Time: 9:00 am - 10:30 am

Click here to claim your spot.

A New Beginning: My Journey as a Breast Cancer Survivor

From the desk of the Vice President of the Black Women For Self organization - a breast cancer survivor story rooted in love, triumph, and lessons in honor of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

My name is Debbie Scott, and in 2017, my life changed forever when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in my right breast. The cause, I believe, was my constant habit of resting my cell phone against it. In 2018, I underwent a six-hour surgery that removed not only the cancer but also all of the lymph nodes under my right arm. During that same surgery, an implant was placed in my right breast and a reduction was done on my left breast.

“This experience has taught me to take a long, hard look in the mirror. At this point in my life, I chose me. ”

I remember telling God that He truly had a sense of humor—because by His grace and mercy, I was able to receive this life-saving surgery completely free. Thanks to my good health at the time, I didn’t need chemotherapy or radiation therapy. Instead, I was prescribed a preventative drug called Tamoxifen, which I took faithfully for five years. While the treatment journey wasn’t as harsh as it could have been, the emotional and spiritual lessons I learned along the way were life-changing.

One of the blessings that came out of this experience was the privilege of encouraging and counseling young women who were terminally ill. I shared with them what I knew to be true—that God Almighty is a healer, that prayer changes things, and that giving up is never the answer. At 66 years old now, I look back on that chapter of my life with deep gratitude. I not only survived, but I discovered more about who I am, who I was meant to be, and what God was preparing me for. Before my diagnosis, I had struggled with very large breasts that caused back pain and forced me to spend money on expensive bras just to find some relief. I knew I needed a reduction, but without medical insurance, it felt impossible. Yet once again, God opened a door. I was able to receive Medicaid benefits that covered the surgery which ultimately saved my life.

I’ll never forget April 24, 2018—my 59th birthday. That was the day of my surgery. When I received the call confirming it would be scheduled for that day, I cried from the shock. But my daughter Chaila, with her wisdom and strength, looked me in the eyes and said: “Mama, think of this as your new beginning.” Those words carried me through. And she was right—it was a new beginning.

Today, I proudly say that I am a seven-year breast cancer survivor. My story is one of faith, family, and resilience. It is proof that God’s grace makes the impossible possible. This experience has taught me to take a long, hard look in the mirror. At this point in my life, I chose me. I stopped caring about or worrying about what others thought about a decision I made to improve my quality of life. For the first time in a long time, I’m loving myself and living my best life full of happiness and unspeakable joy. Chaila, Jamaal, and Jackson were my reasons to fight for the woman that I’ve become. And most of all, it is a reminder that no matter how hard the journey gets, there is always a reason to keep going.

Debbie Scott,

Vice President

Black Women For Self

Recap: Bridging the Gap – An Intergenerational Conversation on Self-Care

This past Saturday, Black Women For Self hosted a powerful gathering that brought together Black women across generations for an honest conversation about wellness, sacrifice, and the importance of radical self-care. What unfolded was more than dialogue, it was healing.

We began by reflecting on the superpowers of Black women—our resilience, creativity, and the way we turn struggle into strength. But we also questioned the cost, under the leadership of Black woman therapist Dr. Danielle Wright, of constantly being “superwomen,” and what it means to lay that cape down.

We then explored societal expectations, the ways Black women have been told always to be strong, always give, and rarely rest. Our elders shared what self-care looked like in their younger years, if it was even called that at all. For many, it was simply surviving, keeping the family together, working multiple jobs, or pushing through pain without complaint.

One moving theme was the exchange of wisdom between generations. Younger women shared what they wished older women had told them about self-care: that rest is not weakness, that boundaries are protection, and that joy is essential. In turn, the older women shared what they wish younger Black women knew about being a Black woman: that the fight for dignity and survival has always been heavy, but also that there is pride, beauty, and community in our journey

There were tears, laughter, and truly cathartic moments as we realized how much we carry, and how much lighter we can become when we share the load together.

At Black Women For Self, we know conversations like these are not just events, they’re acts of resistance. They remind us that self-care is not selfish, but life-saving.

As we continue this work, we invite you to join us in our Self-Care September Challenge. Let’s put these lessons into practice and build a new legacy of wellness for Black women. Click here to opt in.

Also, if you’re interested in joining us in a Mental Health First Aid training, see below.

We are pleased to invite you to the next MHFA course:

📅 Date: Tuesday, September 23, 2025
🕘 Time: 9:00 AM – 3:00 PM
📍 Location: J. Wayne Leonard Prosperity Center, 2401 Canal Street

Please note:

·        The course includes two hours of required pre-work that must be completed prior to attending.

·        The in-person session lasts six hours.

To register, click here. Add Black Women For Self when asked about the organization you are affiliated with.

In Self-care,

- Samjah Iman

It’s Time To Have The Talk

When young people talk to old people, it will make us better people all around. - India Arie

It’s time to have the conversation. For generations, Black women have been taught (sometimes directly, sometimes silently) that we must put ourselves last. Our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers carried entire families, communities, and even movements on their backs, often with little space to pause, rest, or nurture themselves. The cost has been heavy because today, Black women face some of the highest rates of stress-related illnesses in the country.

At Black Women For Self, we believe that breaking this cycle starts with radical self-care. And part of that care is conversation that consists of open, honest, healing dialogue between generations of Black women. Because the truth is, we can’t rewrite our future without first understanding the lessons of our past.

That’s why our next event, Bridging the Gap: Rewriting the Narrative of Black Women’s Well Being, will bring together Black women across generations for a powerful discussion on wellness, rest, and redefining what it truly means to care for ourselves. We’ll listen to the wisdom of our elders, share our own struggles and triumphs, and begin to build a new narrative of Black women’s well-being, one rooted in joy, wholeness, and self-preservation.

This gathering isn’t just a conversation; it’s an act of resistance. It’s a declaration that our health matters, our rest matters, and our lives matter.

Black Women For Self invites you to an intimate intergenerational discussion on self-care, wellness, and the wisdom of Black women across time. For too long, we’ve been taught to put ourselves last, often at the expense of our health and well-being. In this gathering, we honor the lessons of our mothers and grandmothers while opening space to rewrite our own narratives of care, healing, and joy.

Together, we’ll share stories, exchange perspectives, and build bridges between generations so that the next chapter of Black womanhood centers our wholeness, health, and radical self-love.

Join us Saturday, September 13th at 11 a.m. (2803 St. Phillip Street). Email us at info@blackwomenforself.org if you can make it!

This is needed…see you there?

- Samjah Iman

You Are Not a Machine: Notes from a Reformed Overworker

I left Sam an audio message recently—the kind of message that only comes after you’ve finally come up for air. Life has been moving fast for both of us, and while we hadn’t spoken in a minute, I felt something bubbling up that I needed to share.

What I told her was this: I realized I’ve been using my laptop as an illusion of control.

For a long time, I believed that as long as I had a laptop and a brain, I could get wherever I wanted in life. That belief served me once. It got me through jobs, degrees, deadlines, contracts, and crises. But what used to be a tool became a crutch. I was spending 24 hours a day on that laptop—working, scrolling, “planning,” and trying to muscle my way into progress.

But here’s the kicker: I wasn’t being productive. I was being busy. And there’s a difference.

It hit me when I started sharing my laptop with my son for his summer learning curriculum. Giving it up for a couple of hours a day gave me the very thing I didn’t know I needed: room to breathe. Room to move. Room to do. I started sorting through my closet for my next Poshmark drop. I started actually living the steps that move my business forward, not just thinking about them.

That’s when I realized: not all the work is behind a screen.

Some of the most powerful shifts happen when we stop staring at the glowing box and start touching the world again—physically, energetically, spiritually. I had to surrender that illusion of control. And in doing so, I made room for structure. Space. Joy. Actual forward movement.

This new chapter of my life isn’t just about reselling clothing. It’s about telling stories with my hands. About marketing and pricing and curating not just a brand, but a frequency. I’m not just behind a laptop anymore—I’m sourcing. I’m touching fabric. I’m listening to what my body and spirit are trying to tell me. I’m becoming a more grounded version of myself, and it feels so damn good.

If you’re in a similar place, here are three liberating reminders I want to pass on:

1. Prioritize You Before the World Gets a Piece Start your day with yourself.

Before the coffee, before the texts, before the noise—fill your cup. Center your body. Breathe into your own worthiness. You are too valuable to show up for the world without showing up for yourself first.

2. Beware the Mental Prisons We Call Productivity

Grinding through exhaustion is not noble—it’s avoidance in disguise. Real progress isn’t always found in the hustle. Sometimes it’s in the quiet moment when you let go of a false sense of control and take a bold step into a new way of doing.

3. Find Joy in Micro Moments of Liberation

Your freedom doesn’t always look like a big launch or a major announcement. Sometimes it looks like cleaning your closet, saying no to another Zoom call, or letting your body move without a task to complete. Celebrate those micro-wins. They’re the ones that stretch your life and anchor your peace.

This season is different. I’m different. And I’m learning to make peace with the shift. Because what’s coming next won’t be born from burnout. It’ll be birthed from intentional rest, self-trust, and a devotion to living—not just performing—my purpose.

To every Black woman reading this: You do not have to earn your rest. You do not have to justify your joy. You are allowed to close the laptop, step outside, and remember that you are the portal—not the project.

Let’s stay free.

Chaila.

Join Us for Self-Care School With GirlTREK

Hey Tribe!

I hope you all have been diving deep into radical self-care and everything that feeds your soul. I have a lot going on currently, and the one thing I did to show myself some love during this busy time was to ask for help. It was hard to do at first, but when I did it, I felt relieved. Because the truth of the matter is that we can’t do it all by ourselves. This life requires a community/village (especially for Black people), which leads me to my next thing below.

One of my and Chaila’s favorite organizations for Black women (GirlTREK) is conducting a self-care school next week, and we want y’all to join us in taking part in this crucial revolution. We need this. All you have to do is tune in here (or wherever you listen to podcasts) and pledge to walk 30 minutes daily during the week for 10 weeks. While walking, you will hear powerful women pour their wisdom and affirmations into you while reiterating how vital self-care is. This movement starts this coming Monday.

Walking is one of the healthiest things we can do. It’s good for our minds, bodies, souls, and more. I hope you all will join us because our lives depend on it.

Also, check out my write-up in HelloBeautiful about our past “We’re Not Sorry Panel.” We will keep you posted on our next event.

Until then, take good care of yourselves.

- Samjah Iman

We’re Not Sorry…

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Journalist & Content Creator (@introvertnthecity)

We weren’t playing when we started this community for sisters who wanted to practice radical self-care. We told you all that we were going deep. We must undo some mental and emotional habits to gain the confidence we need to put ourselves first. Our “We’re Not Sorry” panel, featuring award-winning Journalist and Content Creator Marsha B. and our beloved Dr. Danielle Wright, is an integral part of our movement, and we need you all to show up for yourselves.

Click here to register for this event. You can’t afford to miss it.

- Samjah Iman

Stretch and Cleanse: A Mind, Body, Spirit Sister Circle

I’ll be honest: when I first heard the term “Stretch and Cleanse,” I didn’t really know what to expect. It sounded intriguing, and I knew it was something I desperately needed in my life, especially with the chaotic energy swirling around us lately. So, when my dear friend and Co-Captain of the BWFS movement, Sam, suggested we host one, I jumped at the opportunity. Little did I know how transformative this experience would be for all of us.

As if the universe had conspired to bring us together, a snowstorm blanketed Southwest Louisiana, a place not typically known for its wintry weather! The unexpected chill in the air only heightened our desire to gather, go outside, and nurture our bodies through movement. We needed this, especially during a season that can often leave us feeling achy and sluggish.

We convened at the Mind Body Collective, a charming and intimate space nestled in the heart of Old Algiers. This venue, dedicated to hosting wellness and healing events for the community, exuded a sense of sacredness that felt like a warm hug. It was the perfect setting for our sister circle, where we could connect, share, and rejuvenate together.

Leading us on our journey of gentle stretches was Co, the wonderful soul behind Stretch Galore (@stretchgalore on Instagram). A dedicated yoga practitioner, Co guided us through a series of movements designed to relax the mind and soothe the body. With each stretch, I could feel the tension melting away, the worries of the week dissipating like clouds parting to reveal the sun. Winter can be tough on the body, but Co’s gentle approach reminded us to listen to our bodies and honor what they needed in that moment.

Just when I thought the experience couldn’t get any better, Delise, our incredible High Heal Doula (@highhealdoula), stepped in to elevate the vibe further. She treated us to a soul-nourishing sound bath, enveloping us in harmonious vibrations that felt like a warm embrace. Each note resonated deeply, allowing us to release what no longer served us and invite in the good vibes we all craved. It was a moment of pure bliss, where we could simply exist and soak in the collective energy of our sister circle.

Even though Sam couldn’t be with us in person, technology worked its magic, allowing her to join us virtually for a brief chat. It was heartwarming to see her smiling face on the screen, reminding us that self-care can take many forms. Whether it’s showing up in person or sitting it out to recharge, both options serve our highest good. Sam’s presence, even from afar, reinforced the importance of community and connection, no matter the physical distance.

As the event unfolded, I finally grasped what a “Stretch and Cleanse” truly was. It’s more than just a physical practice; it’s an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves and each other, to release what we carry, and to embrace the joy of collective healing. I left the sister circle feeling lighter, more grounded, and deeply connected to my fellow participants.

In a world that often pushes us to hustle and grind, taking time to stretch and cleanse our minds, bodies, and spirits is essential. It’s a reminder that self-care is not just a luxury; it’s a necessity. I am grateful for the chance to gather with such incredible women and to explore the beauty of self-care together.

Thank you to everyone who participated in our Stretch and Cleanse sister circle. Here’s to more magical moments like this as we continue our journey of wellness and healing together! Love y’all and happy Black History Month!

Also, stay tuned for our upcoming event in March - it’s going to be sooooo good!

— Chaila Renèe Scott, Co-Founder of Black Women For Self

Sis, You Need Our Next Event

With all that’s happening right now, we need a moment to move our bodies and souls. Join us for a rejuvenating experience at our Mind Body Spirit Sister Circle! This event is all about connecting with your inner self and fellow sisters through stretching, cleansing, and positive energy. Let go of stress and negativity as we guide you through holistic practices provided by Stretch Galore and High Heal Doula. It's a perfect opportunity to relax, recharge, and bond with like-minded women in a supportive and empowering environment. Don't miss out on this chance to pour into yourselves.

Hope to see you there!

Click here to register for the event.

- Sam + Chaila

How We Are Showing Up For Ourselves In 2025

Let’s keep this short and simple.

Here are a few of the ways some of us got off track in 2024:

• Saying yes to others too much and no to ourselves

• Doing things that we knew we didn’t want to do

• Not viewing rest as being productive

• Not enforcing our boundaries

• Not saving our money

• Not expressing ourselves

• Not taking our health seriously

• Not going to therapy

• Not exercising consistently

• Not carving out enough time to do the things we love

Here is how we are showing up for ourselves in 2025:

• Letting go of the need to control every situation

• Not letting people walk over us or put more on our plate

• Speaking up for ourselves

• Taking the necessary steps to heal wounds

• Not overcrowding our schedules

• Getting our finances in order

• Taking the first step to achieve our goals

• Being intentional about our lives

• Paying attention to our emotions and body

• Excusing ourselves from spaces and situations that don’t serve us

• Saying yes to ourselves more

• Taking the time to sit and do nothing

Period.

But don’t be discouraged if you didn’t get it all right in 2024. This radical self-care thing is a marathon. It will take some precious time to undo the negative socializations that have plagued Black women for centuries. Until then, keep showing up for yourself as best you can. Before long, we will look back and see considerable progress.

We’ve got this ladies…see you next year!

BWFS

Our Next Sister Circle Event: Navigating Holiday Grief

Whew, chile. That’s all we can say. And if you’ve been feeling like we are feeling, this event is for you.

Join Black Women for Self and Kortlynn Jenae for a heartfelt gathering designed to support one another through the challenges of grief during the holiday season. This year’s theme: "Holding Space for Grief and Joy this Holiday Season."

This Sister Circle offers a safe, welcoming space for sharing, listening, and healing. Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one or navigating other forms of loss, this event is for you. We will explore ways to find comfort, understanding, and compassion during this difficult time.

A Behavioral Health Practitioner and Licensed Therapist will be present to provide guidance and insights to support your healing journey.

It’s a free event that you don’t want to miss. Click this link to register. We hope to see you there!

- Samjah Iman

You’ve Got The Right To Be Mad

Be mad. Don’t suppress your feelings. Let it out. Expressing your emotions is a form of radical self-care. We do not know what direction this country is headed in, but we do know that now is the time to really level up on our self-care. We don’t know what’s ahead but must be ready for whatever. And the only way to do that is to diligently care for yourself. This blog post won’t be long because I am still without words. I’m hurt, angry, appalled, but not surprised. The result of that election is one of the main reasons Black Women For Self was started. We don’t matter to our country, so we have to matter to us. Below are a few self-care suggestions you can implement into your daily routine during these times of uncertainty.

Choose you….always.

Self-care Tips for Black Women during times of Uncertainty

1. Scream - let your emotions out; do not suppress them

2. Engage with the sun - go outside and allow the sun to recharge you

3. Rest - choose to do nothing as often as you can

4. Move slow - don’t rush to do anything; take your time and go slow

5. Talk it out with Loved Ones - engage in healthy conversation with likeminded individuals

6. Breathe - deep breaths are medicine for your nervous system; take them often

This too shall pass,

- Samjah Iman

Come Celebrate With Us!

Time moves fast when you’re on a mission. We can’t believe it’s been a year since we set out to save ourselves and other Black women. It’s time to celebrate, y’all. Let’s honor our self-care progress and the benefits of putting us first. Come join us at our cute, one-year shindig, where we will be sipping champagne, noshing on desserts, honoring our partners, and basking in Black girl magic. Click this link to rsvp. We hope to see you there!

Save-the-date!!! 10/26/2024

When we started Black Women For Self, we wanted to be more intentional about caring for ourselves. We wanted to set ourselves up not only for a long life but also for a quality one. We wanted to go beyond the surface self-care and get into the depths of our souls with this self-love thing. We aimed to save us. And here we are a year later, having come so far but still having a way to go. 

We are proud of our progress, and even though this is just the beginning, we deserve to celebrate. Mark your calendars for October 26, 2024, as we plan to come together to honor our one-year self-care journey, acknowledge those who helped us get here, and dwell on our year of radical self-care and what's to come. Your support and participation have been instrumental in our journey, and we want you there to toast with us.

More details are on the way. Stay tuned!

- Samjah Iman

Don’t Wait

This year for me, Thanksgiving came a little early. Allow me to further explain. For the last few weeks, I’ve been in a quiet state of unrest. I was mostly just trying to get through the day and complete all the necessary functions that keep my life going smoothly. I remember the mind paralysis I felt right after I finished writing my to-do list. It was a lot just looking at it all on the page. As an incentive to dive in I said to myself, by the time I finish this list, many things about my life will be different. 

Some of the things on that to-do list were fun. This was also by design to give me incentive to dive in, but it never fails, when my to-do list gets too big, there’s a feeling of overwhelm until it’s either smaller or all done. Usually, by the time it's “all done,” I’ve accumulated another to-do list and the process is wash, rinse, and repeat. Does this sound familiar? The perceived impending doom of the never ending to do list can be extremely paralyzing and even scary, especially with the string of holidays coming up; but it doesn’t have to be (keep reading). 

Knowing that something needed to change because the things on that to-do list needed to get done, I innately went looking for answers, and before I knew it I was watching a Youtube video. I thought that video was totally unrelated to my to-do list issue until I heard Erin Lyons (fellow Black woman and mystic) talk about gratitude and the level of abundance that came from that for her. I, too, wanted abundance through gratitude. Most importantly, I wanted an abundance of time. I set out on my gratitude journey, and do you know I found that time? 

It was through gratitude that I was able to actually look at myself and pinpoint what I needed and what was most important. I found the time because I chose to table the list. My life didn’t revolve around that list, and I shouldn’t have given it that much space to the point of being overwhelmed. Gratitude guided me to take care of myself, especially before the holidays, and shifted my entire mindset. I also realized that my abundance of gratitude is infinite. I could spend the rest of my days counting my blessings and never run out because our Divine Creator is a never-run-out-of-blessings type God. 

Whether you’re grateful or thankful, whether you run, skip, or sashay to the blessings, know that they’re coming. Don’t wait until Thanksgiving to count your blessings and don’t allow yourself to get swept up in the holiday overwhelm. You get to decide what’s important, and it doesn’t include being pressed or stressed. Walk away from that giant to-do list, let yourself breathe, and always remember to count your blessings. 

xoxo,

Chaila

You Are Your Best Thing

“I’m about to run to the store,” I told my husband yesterday. My two-year-old overheard me and said, “I wanna go!” His eyes were big, and his demeanor was hopeful. He looked adorable; if I stared at him any longer, I would turn to mush and convince myself that he should take the journey to Whole Foods with me. But I couldn’t this time. The entire weekend had been filled with me and him, and I desperately needed some alone time - even if it was just a solo trip to the grocery store.

I stooped down to his level, looked into his eyes, and said, “I know you don’t understand now, but mommy needs this alone time. I’ll be right back.” Through his gentle sobs, he murmured, “O-tay.” He watched me through the window while I walked to my car. As I waved at him and hesitantly got in my vehicle, I thought about how, a year ago, I would have given in despite my needs and taken him with me to the store. But at this juncture, I understand self-care on a deeper level and that it’s not just about a day of getting my hair, nails, eyebrows, etc., done. It’s about my well-being and providing myself with what I need to be mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy enough to give my loved ones what they need. Simply put, I have to be nice to me to be my best for him.

I ran across the title of this blog from a sentence in Toni Morrison’s book Beloved. It made me think of how deep self-care goes, how we all are our best assets, and how we should treat ourselves as such. My actions above regarding the solo grocery store trip may seem minuscule, but that little gesture can save someone from a mental breakdown or panic attack. I’m learning that my self-care journey is all about nurturing myself from the inside out. Being acutely intentional about my well-being isn’t easy, but it is forcing me into a beautiful metamorphosis that feels healthy. Even when I’m inclined to give in and play the superwoman role, I remind myself that it won’t produce great results, thus leaving me feeling overburdened, resentful, and pissed off at myself for knowing better and not doing better. So, to help me negate the innate feeling of putting myself last, I am constantly checking in with myself, being aware of what I need, reaching out for help, looking for moments to rest, trying different healing techniques, and feeding my soul literature and information that highlights the benefits of radical self-care. I feel like I’m making my ancestors proud and, most importantly, I’m pleased with my progress.

This journey is not for the faint of heart but for the Black woman who wants to live a long, QUALITY life. Are you in?

Choose you,

- Samjah Iman

Also, we are trying to assemble something for our next gathering soon. You will be the first to know the details as soon as we have our plans.

Talk soon!

I’m Doing The Bare Minimum For The Month Of July

No one ever talks about how hard caring for yourself is, especially in this strange world we are living in. Maintaining your inner and outer being is a full-time gig. It's fun to post cute memes about loving ourselves on social media, but it's easy to drop the ball when actually doing the work.

It takes commitment to show up for yourself even when nothing seems to go your way, and I'm speaking from experience. I've had to push myself to do the work for myself these last few months because…burnout is real. I've been wrapped up in the "let's make this year count" rhetoric that I began to hit a wall during the last weeks of June. So, for the purpose of caring for myself and my mental, I permitted myself to have a "f*** it" month in July.

For July, I vowed to go slow, to stop worrying about making extra money, forcing creative ideas, etc. I sometimes get so bogged down with making things happen that I forget the benefits of doing the least. And I must say, keeping it simple in July has already produced immense benefits. I've gotten some much-needed rest, am more present with loved ones, developed an improved skin routine, calmed my anxiety, and gained clarity on what I want to focus on for the remainder of this year.

I tailored my schedule for Essence Festival weekend to reflect my July month of "f*** it." I signed up for a sound bath event to celebrate the festival and 5th birthday of a beauty boutique I love and frequent here in New Orleans (and even wrote about in Essence Magazine - yay me!). During the sound bath session, the leader encouraged us to "take our time" because we will eventually get whatever we are supposed to have. That resonated with me and affirmed my July month of "f*** it."

Reminding myself to take my time has helped my nervous system and enhanced my faith walk. My days are even more intentional and are primarily about feeding my soul whatever it needs. I plan to continue the month like this and even try to incorporate spurts of "f*** it" moments in the coming months. It takes courage to let the things go that plague our minds and trigger our anxiety daily, but if I plan to not only live long but to live a life of quality, I must be brave enough to say "f*** it," mean it, and follow it with action.

Remember, just as hustling is productive, so is resting.

P.S. - Stay tuned for info on our next BWFS event. Coming soon!

Peace and Blessings,

- Samjah Iman

After 30 years, I Ended It

I recently just ended a relationship with a longtime friend of over 30 years. He and I had been in each other's lives, but never really took the time until recently to unpack one another in a way that would be worthy of the title friend. It wasn’t until we decided to delve into a romantic relationship that I realized that our relationship as friends was superficial. Ouch! We initially met when I was at the tender age of 2 and according to my mom it was an instant connection. He even drove me home in his battery-powered whip, reserved for the coolest of kids in the neighborhood, as our moms watchfully walked behind and chatted, tickled at the strong bond they had just witnessed their toddlers make. We went through puberty together; I was his prom date his junior year, and as adults, we both navigated the grief of divorce and became single parents. 

I was so sure this man knew all my ins and outs; spending hours on the phone listening to my preferences in men while another one “bit the dust” in my dating escapades. Before the romance, we were friends, so I didn’t hold back when discussing my relationship woes that were always met by reassurance and encouragement. He was always so supportive of me, and I always felt like he wanted the best for me, so at the top of the year, I didn’t hesitate to delve into exploring more with him, given the assumption that his personal knowledge of me would be an asset to our relationship. I was open, he was my friend, and I have the philosophical conviction that the best relationships are built on friendship. So why not? We’re friends. We shared the same common mission in life which was to buy land and build a sustainable homestead, but as time went on, I wasn’t sure that we both “submitted to the mission” as our sister in Baduism so eloquently laid out for us in a Breakfast Club interview last year.

Of all his flaws, there was one deal breaker I couldn't get with for the life of me. He couldn’t take feedback. Throughout the course of our short relationship, there were a few times when I didn’t agree with something he did and his attitude towards me expressing and reiterating my needs was often met with denial, agitation, and subtle aggression that so strongly alerted my spirit that our final disagreement ended in me leaving his home abruptly and subsequently ending the relationship. Each time I observed his behavior towards me during times of disagreement, my intuitive nudges would get stronger. I often wondered “who is this person and where is my friend of over 30 years?” He was nowhere to be found and it was evident that much work needed to be done in order to actively be a partner in tough moments. The idea that a relationship was good as long as there were no disagreements wasn't rational or sustainable to me. I’m a realist, and what was and still is real to me is that I deserve more. I desire a partner who can not only take feedback but actively work with me as an adult to find a solution, someone who sees my needs as valid and actively wants to fulfill them for the good of the collective mission and relationship. 

As I look back over this experience, I’m grateful, but I also can’t help but to reflect on the places where I missed the signs. While I am happy that I was brave enough to explore this experience with him, I feel like I could have gone my whole life without having this experience. There were parts that were helpful, there were parts that were hurtful, and there were parts where I didn’t feel the safest, but I traveled to the end of that horizon knowing more about myself and what I needed within a relationship so I’ll consider that a win. 

I want to share 3 key takeaways from my experience in making my longest friend my man, my man, my man:

1. Time does not dictate how well someone knows you or themselves. Just because someone has been in your life for a long time, it doesn’t mean that they’re actively working to understand you better or understand themselves better. 

2. Vulnerability should be met with vulnerability. We all deserve someone who can hear us clearly and respond accordingly. If you can’t be vulnerable with your mate about your feelings, who can you be vulnerable with?

3. Emotional maturity has to be honed daily. I don’t think that my ex is a bad person. I think that there are some glaring things that he needs to work on to improve his quality of life and relationships. If someone doesn’t have the emotional maturity to handle your truth, then more than likely, they won’t be able to appreciate your evolution.

Overall, I’ve learned that freedom sometimes comes with goodbyes. There are people in your life that are meant to be for a lifetime and some are seasonal. I find as I open up more to becoming a new version of myself, there were people on my journey who no longer served my highest good, but it took me making better decisions and abandoning my past toxic behavior to see that. I wish the best for my ex, but I will not stay in a space at the detriment of my overall well-being. I pray it’s not an option for you either. 

Xoxo,

Chaila. 

Even When You Don’t Like Yourself, Do The Work.

We recently posted a snippet of an interview on our Instagram featuring Quinta Brunson and Oprah Winfrey, where Brunson made a powerful statement about liking yourself. When Winfrey asked, “What question do you think every woman should ask herself?” Brunson replied, “Do I like myself? Do I really like myself when I’m in my room by myself? When I’m with myself, do I like who I am?” I pondered her question and thought that even though I like myself most of the time, sometimes it’s hard - but I still show the hell up for me. 

I think about how we (Black women) present ourselves to the world, masquerading behind cute hairstyles, trendy clothing, and makeup-clad faces. Of course, dressing nicely and being put together makes us feel good about ourselves, as it should. But how do we feel about ourselves when shit ain’t going right? When the makeup can’t cover up a broken heart? When the math ain’t mathing? When we make mistakes, tussle with sexism, constantly encounter racism, are emotionally (or physically) abused by a lover, when our dreams are deferred, and when we are constantly undermined by society, do we still feel like we are worthy? Truthfully, it’s hard to keep your self-admiration healthy when dealing with the abovementioned woes; that’s why it’s important to constantly show up for us, even when we are at our worst. 

For example, still, perform your skin routine if you don’t feel cute on a particular day. If your weight doesn’t align with your goal, still exercise. If your emotions aren’t stable, journal or talk to someone. You get where I’m going with this. We may not always feel good about ourselves, but we still need to perform actions that benefit our well-being. After all, liking yourself is not just about saying you do; it’s about doing the work to SHOW that you do.

Yes, take mental health breaks when you need them. But after the break, show up because you have work to do. The work we do when we don’t feel up to it aids us in being healthier and better emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. And this is crucial for a better us, our families, and our community. 

It’s easy to like ourselves when everything is going well, but the real work happens when we are in the trenches. And we must do the job through all of our emotions. 

Show up, sis, even when it’s tough. 

On another note, our Waiting to Exhale private screening event was soul-fulfilling! The movie sparked much-needed conversation, and Dr. Danielle Wright was phenomenal. Check out her blog post about the movie and private screening here. We will keep you posted on the next event! 

- Samjah Iman