Even When You Don’t Like Yourself, Do The Work.
We recently posted a snippet of an interview on our Instagram featuring Quinta Brunson and Oprah Winfrey, where Brunson made a powerful statement about liking yourself. When Winfrey asked, “What question do you think every woman should ask herself?” Brunson replied, “Do I like myself? Do I really like myself when I’m in my room by myself? When I’m with myself, do I like who I am?”
We recently posted a snippet of an interview on our Instagram featuring Quinta Brunson and Oprah Winfrey, where Brunson made a powerful statement about liking yourself. When Winfrey asked, “What question do you think every woman should ask herself?” Brunson replied, “Do I like myself? Do I really like myself when I’m in my room by myself? When I’m with myself, do I like who I am?” I pondered her question and thought that even though I like myself most of the time, sometimes it’s hard - but I still show the hell up for me.
I think about how we (Black women) present ourselves to the world, masquerading behind cute hairstyles, trendy clothing, and makeup-clad faces. Of course, dressing nicely and being put together makes us feel good about ourselves, as it should. But how do we feel about ourselves when shit ain’t going right? When the makeup can’t cover up a broken heart? When the math ain’t mathing? When we make mistakes, tussle with sexism, constantly encounter racism, are emotionally (or physically) abused by a lover, when our dreams are deferred, and when we are constantly undermined by society, do we still feel like we are worthy? Truthfully, it’s hard to keep your self-admiration healthy when dealing with the abovementioned woes; that’s why it’s important to constantly show up for us, even when we are at our worst.
For example, still, perform your skin routine if you don’t feel cute on a particular day. If your weight doesn’t align with your goal, still exercise. If your emotions aren’t stable, journal or talk to someone. You get where I’m going with this. We may not always feel good about ourselves, but we still need to perform actions that benefit our well-being. After all, liking yourself is not just about saying you do; it’s about doing the work to SHOW that you do.
Yes, take mental health breaks when you need them. But after the break, show up because you have work to do. The work we do when we don’t feel up to it aids us in being healthier and better emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. And this is crucial for a better us, our families, and our community.
It’s easy to like ourselves when everything is going well, but the real work happens when we are in the trenches. And we must do the job through all of our emotions.
Show up, sis, even when it’s tough.
On another note, our Waiting to Exhale private screening event was soul-fulfilling! The movie sparked much-needed conversation, and Dr. Danielle Wright was phenomenal. Check out her blog post about the movie and private screening here. We will keep you posted on the next event!
- Samjah Iman
“He’s A Good Man, Savannah!”
Where were you when the classic film Waiting to Exhale debuted? I was 13 years old. Somewhere between mastering puberty and jamming out to the ever-popular R&B group TLC. I didn’t know a thing about the complexities of Black women. My only concerns were getting the latest Air Max sneakers and drawing up a masterful plan to bump into my crush.
Where were you when the classic film Waiting to Exhale debuted? I was 13 years old. Somewhere between mastering puberty and jamming out to the ever-popular R&B group TLC. I didn’t know a thing about the complexities of Black women. My only concerns were getting the latest Air Max sneakers and drawing up a masterful plan to bump into my crush.
I grew up seeing many books sprawled around the house because my mother was/is an avid reader. While I can’t recall every book I encountered, I remember seeing many Terry McMillan novels. Her book covers drew me in as they were always vibrant and colorful and often featured beautifully sketched Black women. When one of her books, Waiting to Exhale, was adapted into a film, my mother and her friends rushed to the theaters to see it. I didn’t catch it until it was available on VHS. And when I saw the movie and heard the soundtrack, my affinity for Black women grew deeper.
One of the most magical things about the movie’s emphasis on sisterhood is that it still binds Black women together almost two decades later. At some point, we've all seen someone we know in these characters. They're us, our mothers, our grandmothers, and our aunts. We've witnessed their heartbreaks just as we've witnessed our own, and we celebrated their newfound freedom in cutting cords with societal and familial expectations just as we do now at Black Women For Self.
Waiting to Exhale isn't just a movie; it’s a full-circle moment that spans generations of our present day. Within the movie are nuggets of wisdom waiting to be revealed no matter what stage of life we're in. It speaks to Black women, their sensibilities, the pressures they endure, and the beautiful process of letting it all go in a way that finally serves us and our vision of life. After all, we're all journeying through life, only keeping the things we need and releasing what no longer serves us, just as they did in this film.
In celebration of this film and to be intentional about our girl time, Black Women For Self will be hosting a private screening and discussion of the movie this month. I can almost guarantee something new will be learned about yourself and those around you at this screening on April 20th in New Orleans, LA.
Dr. Danielle Wright (a mental health phenom) will join us in digging deep into the crux of this movie as it relates to self-care and sisterhood. Trust me; you don't want to miss this opportunity to relive the 90s with one of the most iconic movies of our culture.
This event is invite-only, but we are opening up a few slots to our subscribers because y’all deserve first dibs. If you’re interested in attending, email us at info@blackwomenforself.org to claim your spot. Remember, we are only holding a few spots for you, so jump on emailing us fast!
See ya at the movies!
Samjah + Chaila
5 Takeaways From The “Life Is A Journey And So Is Your Hair…” Sister Circle Event
Alexa, play “Don’t Touch My Hair” by Solange.
The Sister Circle hair event vibed like the perfect twist-out on a low-humidity day, and we are still basking in the gems we received from the event!
Alexa, play “Don’t Touch My Hair” by Solange.
The Sister Circle hair event vibed like the perfect twist-out on a low-humidity day, and we are still basking in the gems we received from the event!
The sisters got together on February 17th and had a soulful discussion about the many facets of our beautiful tresses. Led by the Mane Coach herself, Ashlee Rene’, the information, stories, hair facts, and discoveries were invaluable. Jump in below to read up on five takeaways from the “Life is a journey and so is your hair…” Sister Circle Event.
5 Takeaways
Fall in Love with the Foundation. Black women have had to work hard to mentally tear down negative social constructs about our hair, which has led some of us to conform to society’s European beauty standards. Wearing weaves, braids, silk presses, etc., is fun. But before we venture into those spicy styles, let’s ensure our relationship with our natural hair is healthy. It’s one thing to wear different hairdos simply because we desire to express our creativity. But it’s another thing to rock these styles to cover up insecurities (this excludes women who suffer from alopecia, are going through chemo, etc.).
Hair Care is Self-care. Taking care of your hair is an important part of your hygiene process that you should honor with adequate time and keen focus. Ashlee Rene’ suggests setting the mood with music, candles, or whatever else brings you Zen while you wash, nurture, and perfect your tresses.
Learn Your Hair. Cultivate an intimate relationship with your hair. Learn what works for your hair and what doesn’t. Don’t rely on hairstylists to maintain your tresses. In an unexpected event like a pandemic, you should be able to keep your hair healthy.
Be an Advocate for Your Hair. Just like we need to advocate for our bodies, health, coins, and everything else, we must also advocate for our hair. Often, we leave the fates of our hair up to professionals when we should be the ultimate decision-makers regarding our manes. No one should know our hair better than us because it’s ours.
Invest in Your Hair. Just like you spend money on going to expensive restaurants and buying pricey clothes, you should also spend top dollar for quarterly hair maintenance (unless you know how to keep it up yourself). Seek out a hairdresser with a great reputation and a specialty in healthy hair. Pay the price to keep your hair in shape to avoid damage or breakage.
To learn more about maintaining your hair’s health, follow Ashlee Rene’.
Stay tuned for the announcement of our next event!
"Life is a Journey and so is Your Hair…" Sister Circle Tea!!!!!!!
As the daughter of an old-school beautician, y'all have no idea how hyped I am to write this blog and introduce the upcoming Black Women For Self Sister Circle (read on for details!). Much like many other Black women, there was a time when my life absolutely revolved around my hair and still does to some extent.
As the daughter of an old-school beautician, y'all have no idea how hyped I am to write this blog and introduce the upcoming Black Women For Self Sister Circle (read on for details!). Much like many other Black women, there was a time when my life absolutely revolved around my hair and still does to some extent. If you've ever gotten the perm too soon, or didn't know what your natural hair looked like until later in life, or are just learning how to really take care of your hair because of a desire to know yourself deeply on all levels, I am right there with you. I am she. I am all of the above.
From growing up where my length was celebrated but not my texture to loc'ing my hair at age 32 and cutting all the locs off at 36, I can truly say that my life's journey and hair journey have been synonymous. As MANE Focus Coach Ashlee René would say, "Life is a journey and so is your hair…" and it's the truth, the truth, and nothing but the truth, especially for Black women. Our hair is simply more and always has been. It's why the Tignon Law was established in Louisiana in 1786, and it's why we are still pressing all 50 states to pass the Crown Act in 2024. Not only does our hair tell a story about who we are, but we radiate next-level confidence when we rock our favorite looks; we are unstoppable, and maybe that's why the world was and forever will be up in arms about Black hair.
What I'm most excited about is that Black Women For Self has scored an exclusive, sit-down discussion with Natural Hair Expert Ashlee René to untangle the complexities (pun intended) of our hair as Black women, societal influences, and how our crowns can become our most cherished component of self-expression while also keeping a healthy self-image and head of hair. I would absolutely bet my last dollar that this Sister Circle will be one for the books.
Not only has Ashlee René beautifully grown and maintained her own MANE, but she is also proactively teaching other Black women to do the same under her expert guidance, all while weaving in her sage wisdom and timeless spiritual adages. She truly knows hair and the complexities of being at the intersection of Blackness and womanhood in America. Ashlee René is truly a visionary; her insight is trustworthy and highly sought after. She's such a profound human being, and Black Women For Self is excited to share her wisdom, knowledge, and resources with our biggest supporters.
Come and get the Ashlee René experience as we discuss hair, self-image, hair health, and everything in between, leveraging her expertise and wisdom on February 17th, 2024, from 6-8:30 PM. Because Life is a Journey and so is your Hair! Register now with this link!
PS: If you're looking for even more intentionality, vision, and focus in your life, the Twenty Twenty Vision Journals by Ashlee René are where it's at! Get yours here!
We look forward to seeing you there, as always!
- Chaila Renee Scott
10 Workout Ideas For The Black Woman Who Hates The Gym
Nothing irritates me more than a packed gym at the beginning of a new year or any time. Yes, I'm glad everyone is taking charge of their health, but do we all have to do it at the same gym simultaneously?
Nothing irritates me more than a packed gym at the beginning of a new year or any time. Yes, I'm glad everyone is taking charge of their health, but do we all have to do it at the same gym simultaneously? There is something intensely irritating to me about having to drive myself to a gym, sign in, wait for a machine, and suffer through small talk with weight experts. I prefer to work out in solitude or with a small class while enjoying the absence of clanking machines, sweat aromas, constant chit-chatter, and lackluster playlists.
If you are a gym head, no disrespect - everything isn't for everybody. But if you share my sentiments, then keep reading.
While trying to get to know myself, I've also discovered which form of exercise keeps me interested, all while working my mind and body. Self-care has everything to do with caring for your body, and BWFS is heavy on maintaining excellent health. If you are looking for ways to expand your exercise regimen but don't want to necessarily commit to a gym because of the reasons I listed above and more, check out a list of alternative exercises that you may find both productive and fun.
10 Workout Ideas For the Anti-Gym Black Woman
Pole Dancing: Pole dancing is a fun and empowering workout that helps build strength, flexibility, and confidence. Yes, you will do this in a class setting, but it will probably be far from a gym atmosphere, and you can make it into a cute girl's weekly workout.
Hula Hooping: Hula hooping is an exciting and productive way to work your core muscles and improve coordination. It can be done with a regular or weighted hula hoop for added resistance.
Trampoline Fitness: Trampoline workouts are low-impact and fun. They help improve cardiovascular fitness, balance, and coordination.
Walking: Walking is a simple and effective exercise that can be done anywhere. It helps improve cardiovascular health, strengthen leg muscles, and boost mood.
Cycling: Cycling can be done outdoors or on a stationary bike. It helps improve cardiovascular health, leg strength, and endurance.
Yoga: Yoga is a great exercise focusing on flexibility, strength, and balance. It can help improve posture, reduce stress, and increase body awareness. You can find a yoga class on YouTube or sign up for a virtual yoga class here.
Pilates: Pilates is centered around core strength, flexibility, and body alignment. It helps improve posture, balance, and muscle tone.
Dance Workouts: Dancing is an enjoyable and effective way to stay active at home. You can follow along with dance workout videos or create a dance routine independently. Dancing helps improve cardiovascular fitness, coordination, and mood.
Jumping Rope: Jumping rope is a simple cardio exercise that can be done indoors or outdoors. It helps improve cardiovascular fitness, coordination, and leg strength.
Bodyweight Exercises: Bodyweight exercises require no equipment and can be done anywhere. Examples include squats, lunges, push-ups, planks, and burpees. These exercises help build strength and improve overall fitness.
Remember, excellent health starts with monitoring what you put in your body, what you feed your mind, great rest, and radical self-care. Exercise is secondary.
Here's to a healthy 2024 that doesn't require us to step one foot in the gym!
- Samjah Iman
5 Key Takeaways from Our Holiday Grief Sister Circle:
The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for many individuals, this time of year can be a painful reminder of loss and grief. Holiday grief, the experience of mourning and sadness during the festive season, can be incredibly challenging for Black women who face unique societal pressures and expectations.
The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for many individuals, this time of year can be a painful reminder of loss and grief. Holiday grief, the experience of mourning and sadness during the festive season, can be incredibly challenging for Black women who face unique societal pressures and expectations. From the weight of historical trauma to the burden of caregiving responsibilities, Black women often find themselves navigating a complex web of emotions during this time.
Grief is a universal experience that affects individuals from all walks of life. However, when it comes to Black women, the intersectionality of their identities adds unique layers to the grieving process. To shed light on this topic, Mental Health Clinician Vanice Zenon recently led our first of many Sister Circle sessions entitled: Navigating Holiday Grief: A Grief and Growth Sister Circle for Coping During the Holidays, moderated by Kortlynn Jenae and hosted by Black Women For Self. This empowering gathering aimed to explore the intricacies of grief, debunk misconceptions, and provide valuable tools and resources for Black women navigating their grief journey.
Here are 5 Key Takeaways that Summarized Our Experience:
1. Understanding the Intersectionality of Black Women and Grief:
Black women often face a multitude of challenges when it comes to grieving. The session delved into the intersectionality of race, gender, and culture, highlighting how these factors influence the grieving process. By acknowledging the unique experiences of Black women, the circle fostered a safe space for open dialogue and healing.
2. Debunking Misconceptions Surrounding Grief:
Society often imposes unrealistic expectations on grieving individuals, and Black women are no exception. The session aimed to debunk common misconceptions surrounding grief, such as the notion that Black women are inherently strong and resilient and, therefore, should not openly express their pain. By challenging these misconceptions, the circle encouraged participants to embrace their vulnerability and seek support when needed.
3. Tools and Resources for Navigating Grief:
The Holiday Grief Sister Circle provided participants various tools and resources to help them navigate their grief journey. Mental Health Clinician Vanice Zenon shared coping strategies tailored to the unique experiences of Black women, emphasizing the importance of self-care, community support, and professional help when necessary. The session also highlighted various resources that can provide ongoing assistance, such as grief support groups, therapy options, and online platforms.
4. The Power of Sisterhood and Community Support:
One of the key takeaways from the session was the power of sisterhood and community support in the healing process. Black Women For Self created a safe and inclusive space where participants could connect, share their stories, and find solace in the shared experiences of others. The circle emphasized the importance of building a support network and seeking solace within a community that understands and validates their grief.
5. Advocacy and Empowerment:
The Holiday Grief Sister Circle provided a healing platform and empowered participants to advocate for themselves and their communities. By addressing the intersectionality of Black women, grief, and socialization, the session encouraged attendees to challenge societal norms, break down stigmas surrounding mental health, and promote open conversations about grief within their communities.
The following resources have been curated and recommended by Clinician Vanice Zenon for your reference and support:
The Center for Grief Recovery and Therapeutic Services
The Holiday Grief Sister Circle illuminated the intricate intersectionality between Black women, grief, and socialization. This gathering serves as a reminder that by acknowledging and addressing the unique experiences of Black women, we can hold healing space for one another and build community around our struggles and triumphs. The Sister Circle was a sacred space for Black women to unite, share their pain, and find solace during the holiday season. We reminded ourselves that we are still here, standing, and worthy of love and happiness even amid grief.
Black women deserve to be seen, heard, and supported during the holiday season and beyond.
- Chaila Renee Scott
Intentional
As a child, I understood there was something extraordinary about Black women. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I had a deep feeling that they were celestial. I saw them grab life by the collar repeatedly, and they never missed a beat when it came to caring for family and community, all while looking good.
As a child, I understood there was something extraordinary about Black women. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I had a deep feeling that they were celestial. I saw them grab life by the collar repeatedly, and they never missed a beat when it came to caring for family and community, all while looking good. I was eager to be a Black woman, to mask life’s struggles under fire-red lipstick and fly hairdo. I couldn’t wait to carry my family on my back like Big Mama. I looked forward to achieving milestones in my career while balancing the precious act of loving a Black man and rearing his children like my mother. I was ready to pray on Sunday, dance on Friday, and hold it down for the neighborhood on Saturday like my aunts.
And then, I became a Black woman/mother/wife/confidant/friend/career woman/community advocate and realized that the weight of being everything to everyone was a health hazard. Helping the community, doing for family, and tending to everyone else’s needs left me little time to myself. I had seen the other women in my family do these things gracefully, or so I thought. What I didn’t know was that they, too, were often attempting to pour from an empty cup, trying to keep up with the debilitating “strong Black woman” façade.
As an adult, I often chat with my friend and business partner Chaila regarding the struggle of breaking free from the need to be that superhero Black woman and being more intentional about taking care of ourselves. And we couldn’t help but wonder how many other Black women needed a push to do the same thing. So, we decided to birth this nonprofit that will force Black women to pour into themselves. A lot of Black women carry health burdens and have died from not making themselves a priority, and our goal is to elongate the lives of Black women by starting a radical self-care revolution that encourages them to release, rest, and pour into themselves. We advocate for the holistic well-being of Black women, recognizing that by investing in ourselves, we can live healthier lives and better serve our families, communities, and society at large.
We aim to accomplish our mission by conducting quarterly events offering relaxing activities, adventures, forums, exercise/meditation, workshops, in-depth conversations, etc.
Since our inception, we have held an introductory event to introduce some women of our New Orleans community to our movement. Our next event will be the first one of our Sister Circle Series, where we plan to delve deep into radical self-care by exploring grief and how it heavily affects our sisters during the holidays (see event section). Our Sister Circle series is a sequence of intimate, in-person conversations. These meetups promote radical self-care by allowing Black women a safe space to vent, learn, share, release, grow, etc. while dissecting various topics.
We thank you for subscribing to our newsletter and joining our radical self-care movement. Our hope is that this organization spreads all over the world. We also hope you, too, will become more intentional about yourself and make sure you prioritize you.
- Samjah Iman